


bakunin and broccoli

by thefudge



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: 5x05 Au, Alternate Universe - Parents, Child Prodigy, F/M, Married Couple, So Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29547291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefudge/pseuds/thefudge
Summary: AU. Veronica and Jughead are called in for a private parent-teacher meeting, because the apple never falls far from the tree.
Relationships: Jughead Jones/Veronica Lodge
Comments: 20
Kudos: 128





	bakunin and broccoli

**Author's Note:**

> this is my most flimsiest of fics based on this gifset of jeronica looking like very annoyed parents in the latest episode   
> https://thefudge.tumblr.com/post/643502543156199424/jeronica-in-riverdale-2017-chapter-eighty  
> as you can see, i wrote a whole AU in the tags which then turned into this self-indulgent oneshot.  
> anyway, i like to imagine that this can still fit canon and jeronica are secret married and have a kid and are just keeping it on the lowdown after the time jump because they don't want to expose their little family to the chaotic hellhole that is riverdale (they'd also have to be a bit older for this AU to work, but whatever, cole is pushing thirty).

Veronica tells him beforehand he's not allowed to start ranting about the state of public schooling, Betsy DeVos, underfunded programs of literacy, or late-stage capitalism. 

Jughead parks the car a little forcefully. "But I'm right about all those things."

" _I_ know that, and _you_ know that," she says, running a pacifying finger down the buttons of his jacket, "but I don't think Mrs. Barton has the wherewithal to listen to your _very_ convincing argument about the problems with the No Child Left Behind policy." 

"I feel like you're humoring me, and also being slightly condescending," he mutters, as her distracting hand goes up to cup his cheek where she rubs at a pen mark. He nuzzles her palm fondly. "I do love it when you say "wherewithal", though." 

Veronica smiles. "So, we're agreed on keeping it simple? Just nod and promise to give him a stern talking?" 

Her husband heaves a sigh. "If we must." 

"A for enthusiasm, babe," she says and he kisses her hand one last time - though it feels more like a bite - before they both get out of the car. 

"Would you care to explain this, Mr. and Mrs. Jones?" 

"Actually it's Lodge-Jones -" Veronica begins, a little miffed. But Jughead simply shrugs. "I have no idea where he got this."

Mrs. Barton rests her hands on her hips and looks down at the dog-eared volume of _God and the State._

"Is that so? I could have sworn I saw your name written in the margins. Is this not _your_ personal copy that Seymour brought to school?"

Jughead picks up the volume and flips through it absently. "It might be something I had in the back of a drawer. I prefer Bakunin's broader ideas on collective anarchism, to be honest. His anti-theologism can distract from the main problems."

Veronica's foot finds the back of his leg. 

Mrs. Barton's mouth thins into an uncharitable line. "Collective anarchism. I see. So, Seymour receives a very liberal education at home."

"Actually, anarchism opposes liberalism -"

"What my husband is trying to say," Veronica quickly intervenes, kicking him harder, "is that we merely encourage Seymour's curiosity, but we always tell him he needs to listen to his teachers, first and foremost, because he has a lot to learn from them. _Everything_ is a learning experience for a child, wouldn't you say?"

Jughead can't deny his wife is way better at this than he could ever be. She has a way with words that really tickles his writer's brain. And...other less cogent regions of his body. 

Mrs. Barton, however, is not to be appeased. 

"I don't know, Mrs. Jones -"

"It's Lodge-Jones -"

"He told an entire class of sixth graders that, and I quote, if God really existed, it would be necessary to abolish Him. I assume that's also part of the learning experience?" 

Jughead can't help a small smirk. This feels like one of those sitcom moments where the dad drawls "that's my boy" under his breath, but for Veronica's sake, he won't give into it. Not that his wife is doing much better. She bites her lip most severely to avoid a smile. 

"I'm glad this amuses you both, even as Seymour is running the risk of repeated suspensions." 

Veronica clears her throat. "Oh, I assure you, we take this _very_ seriously -"

"Repeated suspensions?" Jughead echoes. "Is the first amendment not applicable to a sixth-grade classroom? I must question the school's attitude towards the constitution and the freedom of speech therein guaranteed." 

Yeah, he's not good at this, but he can argue with the best of them. 

Mrs. Barton scowls. "He has also put up graphic posters calling for the cancelling of lunch debt and the redistribution of food in the cafeteria!" 

"Don't worry, he's only eleven. Otherwise, he might have done more than just put up posters," Jughead replies smugly. 

Veronica is glaring at him. She is _not_ happy that he's goading the form teacher, but he knows his wife well enough to also know a part of her is a little turned on. 

She smiles a mollifying smile at Mrs. Barton. "My husband is obviously trying to defuse the situation with humor, but we promise you that we are going to give him a stern talking and make sure he does not create any more problems for his fellow students."

"I should hope so. Are you also going to explain to him why the redistribution of food would not be a wise idea?"

Veronica's smile turns to frost. "Actually, in our _liberal_ household we tend to let him draw his own conclusions."

Oh, she's done it now.

"How did you guys get me _two_ extra days of suspension?" Seymour demands, propping his glasses up his forehead. His shock of dark hair is as unruly as ever. He always resists a comb. 

Veronica and Jughead point at each other.

"Your father wouldn't shut up about anarchy."

"Your mother kept sassing the teacher."

Seymour shakes his head scathingly. "Typical. Remind me to not let you two in charge again. Dinner's in the oven."

And he marches right back up the stairs to read more radical Russians. 

They watch him go.

"Does it ever spook you how much he sounds like a young Teddy Roosevelt?" Jughead asks, shrugging off his jacket. 

"All the time," she mutters, kicking off her heels. "I thought having a child prodigy would be easier."

"Hey, he did make us dinner."

Veronica pads towards the kitchen. "Well, since he's home for the rest of the week we should do something fun together."

"What happened to the stern talking?"

"Oh, we can do that over ice cream," she muses with a smile.

Jughead comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. "You are such a bad mom."

"Mmm," she agrees as he fondles the side of her throat. His greedy hand dives under her shirt and cups her breast over the bra. 

They suddenly hear small, angry footsteps on the stairs. Seymour leans over the railing. 

"Can you guys not act seventeen for _one_ minute? I can hear you kissing. _Some_ of us are trying to read!" 

The guilty parents disentangle. 

"Hey buddy, do you want us to go back to school and make it _five_ extra days of suspension?" Jughead calls out with a grin.

Seymour considers this for a moment, then very begrudgingly mutters, "Carry on." 

He slams the door to his room in protest.

Veronica puts her arms around her husband's neck. "You are such a bad dad." 

"I'm only following your excellent lead, m'lady." 

She rewards him with a long kiss, which he returns quite happily. He's very good at stroking the back of her waist and easing the bundle of nerves there. Well, his actual goal is to very subtly cup her ass but she doesn't mind. 

"So, would private school be against our principles and whatnot?" he asks her as they finally break for breath. And dinner. 

" _Yes_ , and also, I'm pretty sure that would be the final step to Seymour turning into an evil mastermind." She walks to the cupboard and fishes out two plates. "I don't want to give him more ammo." 

"You may have a point there," Jughead says, as he opens the oven. "The kid's made us sauteed broccoli and a spinach tart. He's definitely evil."

They giggle like teenagers, knowing full well that yes, their kid will keep being a thorn in everyone's backside, and they wouldn't have it any other way. 


End file.
